The Bacon Page — My Dad Bod

Bodrick the gnome in a My Dad Bod apron, beer in one hand and a strip of bacon in his tongs, behind three fire pits of peppered, thick-cut and classic bacon at a lakeside sunset, under a wooden sign reading The Bacon Page

★
An Official
My Dad Bod
Public Service
★

In Bacon
We Trust

Some foods nourish the body.
Some foods nourish the soul.

Bacon does both!

For generations, bacon’s been there for us. At breakfast. On burgers. Wrapped around other foods.

Bacon asks for nothing.
Bacon gives us everything.

And here at My Dad Bod, we believe it’s finally time somebody gave bacon the recognition it deserves.

This is the Bacon page.

Official Statement

Our Official Position on Bacon

After absolutely no research, no committee meetings, and zero consultation with qualified professionals, My Dad Bod officially endorses bacon.

  • We endorse crispy bacon.
  • We endorse chewy bacon.
  • We endorse thick-cut bacon.
  • We endorse bacon cooked outside on a Blackstone.
  • We endorse stealing a strip before breakfast is ready.
  • We endorse making extra bacon at every breakfast.

We are pro-bacon!

Unapologetically

One Nation, Under Bacon

The Magnificent Bacon Family

Bacon isn’t just bacon. It’s an entire magnificent branch of a new food pyramid.

Traditional Bacon

The standard by which all bacon is judged. Salty. Smoky. Beautiful.

Thick-Cut Bacon

Regular bacon grew up and stopped caring what anybody thought.

Applewood-Smoked Bacon

Bacon wearing a nice shirt.

Hickory-Smoked Bacon

Bacon that owns tools.

Maple Bacon

Breakfast and dessert in one.

Peppered Bacon

Because apparently bacon wasn’t assertive enough already.

Canadian Bacon

We respect Canada and wish to maintain diplomatic relations, so we’ll allow it.

Pancetta

Italian bacon. Usually pronounced wrong.

Guanciale

Made from pork cheek. I think we can work with this.

Under Constant Review

Turkey Bacon

We’re not angry, just disappointed.

A Field Guide

The Bacon Doneness Scale

There's no single correct way to cook bacon. There are, however, several incorrect ways.

  1. Level 1, Bacon: Technically warm. Emotionally still raw.
  2. Level 2, The Flop: Cooked, chewy and capable of bending under its own weight. Controversial, but respectable.
  3. ★ Officially Endorsed Level 3, The Sweet Spot: Crisp edges. Slight chew. Fat rendered beautifully. Somewhere, an angel clicks barbecue tongs twice.
  4. Level 4, The Crunch: Crispy from end to end. Excellent structural integrity. Ideal burger bacon.
  5. Level 5, Dad Got Distracted: Dark. Extremely crispy. Still edible with proper beverage support.
  6. Do Not Eat Level 6, The Cremation: Black. Brittle. Possibly carbon dated. Do not eat it. Place it respectfully in the trash, lower your head, and think about what you’ve done.

Hereby Decreed: The Rules of Bacon

  1. Always make more than you think you need.

    Your calculation did not account for Kitchen Bacon.

  2. Kitchen Bacon has no calories.

    Kitchen Bacon is the bacon consumed while cooking other bacon.

  3. The person cooking the bacon receives the first piece.

    This isn’t a privilege. It’s quality control.

  4. Never ask, “Who wants bacon?”

    This wastes valuable time.

  5. Bacon may be added to almost anything.

    Burgers. Potatoes. Salads. Sandwiches. Brussels sprouts. Eggs. Hot dogs. Mac and cheese. Bloody Marys.

The Bacon Oath

Place one hand over your belly and raise a thick strip of bacon.
Repeat after us:

I solemnly swear to respect the bacon,
to cook more than necessary,
to steal at least one piece before serving,
to never apologize for making extra,
and to never knowingly allow a perfectly good strip of bacon to go uneaten.

I further promise that should I burn the bacon, I will accept responsibility, blame the stove privately, and begin another batch immediately.

So help me Bodrick.

Bodrick hugging an armful of bacon with a smug grin while two fairies reach in from either side trying to grab it
Bodrick. Not sharing.

United We Fry

Bacon Is Better Together

There's something communal about bacon. You don't cook one piece.
You cook a pile. People smell it. People appear.

Someone who wasn’t hungry five minutes ago suddenly wanders into the kitchen and asks:

“Is there any extra bacon?”

There was.
Until you showed up.

And maybe that’s what bacon has been trying to teach us all along.

Good food.Good friends.Good laughs.

A few extra pounds around the middle.

And absolutely no reason to feel bad about any of it.

Bodrick Bacon Certified seal: Bodrick giving a thumbs up with a mouthful of bacon

Bodrick Approved

The My Dad Bod Bacon Guarantee*

We guarantee that bacon will continue to be delicious.

*This guarantee has absolutely no legal meaning whatsoever. Bacon consumption may contribute to sodium, saturated fat and awkward conversations with your cardiologist. My Dad Bod endorses enjoying bacon, not attempting to become bacon.

A strip of bacon flying proudly from a brass flagpole

Long Live Bacon

  • Eat it crispy.
  • Eat it chewy.
  • Put it on something.
  • Wrap something in it.
  • Sneak a piece while nobody’s looking.
  • Just don’t burn it.

My Dad Bod

Good Food. Good Friends. Good Laughs. Bacon.

Tees With Attitude Aprons With Authority Tumblers for Tactical Hydration Glasses With Class Coasters That Mean Business Carnivore Cutting Boards Frame the Evidence And Other Questionable Dad Essentials

Hey, since you made it this far, use the discount code BECAUSEBACON10 for 10% off your first order of anything from My Dad Bod.

A steaming pile of crispy peppered bacon